Challenging yourself feeds your soul

Beltane

I love Beltane not just because it is the beginning of Summer in the Celtic Wheel of the Year but because it is also my husband's birthday so it is a time of love and connection for me. It is always good to have a reminder that we are all lovable but also to show love and appreciation. Anyway with dh turning 50 it reminded me that it is my 50th in January and so this is the last year of my 40s.

In the last year of my 30s I challenged myself to honour the elements - earth, air, fire and water. I was in the midst of my Core Shamanic Practitioner training and was resonating a lot with the elements and how they are the basis of all nature and a great source of power. 

Honouring the Elements - earth, air, fire and water

In my 40th year before I turned 40, I honoured air by doing a static line solo parachute jump; honoured fire by doing my first fire walk; honoured water by starting to wild swimming and sat out alone from sunset to moonrise for 4 hours in the dark to honour the earth. All these experiences were amazing and solidified my connection to the elements and the power they can bring. They also took me out of my comfort zone and helped me grow as a person.

Challenging Yourself feeds the soul

Now is the time to consider what I am going to do in the run up to my 50th birthday. I have already committed to do the annual York Dragon Boat Race in July and if you would like to sponsor me - https://yorkrotary.enthuse.com/pf/viv-chamberlin-kidd. I am rowing as part of the Kyra Crew. This is going to be a massive challenge as I don't particularly like deep water (hence the wild swimming challenge when I was 39!!) plus I can't row very well.

But the real thing I feel I most need this year is to consistently be of service to others. This feels like an achilles heel of mine in some ways due to my neurodivergent brain. So I thought this would be a great internal challenge for myself but that having some accountability to others would serve two purposes.

Knowing how I felt after my parachute jump and then after my fire walk and my sitting out alone in the dark has spurred me on to realise that anything is within my grasp if I just see the chance to take myself out of my comfort zone and step into my power.

My 2022 Challenges

Earth (my body) - I am wanting to release some unhealthy habits that I have accumulated since my Dad's death in 2020 and over various COVID lock downs. I am therefore commiting to drinking more water and less coffee with syrups. I am also going to make my own essential oil chocolates and do regular strength training

Fire (my spirit/soul) - I am going to continue doing my weekly shamanic journeys and dream incubations/affirmations but I am going to document my spiritual journey via my Essentially Evolving Telegram channel - https://t.me/EssentiallyEvolving. If you would like to follow my journey then please come and join me.

Water (my creativity) - I am going to support myself and anyone who wants to tap into the magic of their full, evolving, powerful potential by sharing regular prompts, tips and steps along my journey using the various tools I have at my disposal. 

Air (my expertise) - I am going to share my expertise and experience with Runes; Ogham; chakra drumming; dream journaling; essential oils; chakra clearing; oracle cards; regular Game of Transformation games for the Earth; stone divination via my Guided Pictures in the Stone process; and any other things that appear in my life to support and guide me.

Your Challenges

Life is a journey. Not always an easy one. Getting out of your comfort zone and challenging yourself is a great way to fully realise your potential and amazingness. Is there a way you can find to challenge yourself this Summer?

If I can support you on that journey please come along for the ride. I'd love to share in your journey whilst I share mine and together we can make the world a better place. 

Winter Solstice

Today is the Winter Solstice, also known as Yule, which signifies the end of Autumn and the beginning of Winter. It is the day in the year when the axis of the earth means that it is the shortest day and longest night and so the days are getting longer through to the Summer Solstice. 

This slow beginning of more sunlight is a great time to plan the sowing of the seeds and look to next year's harvest. Whether this is around the actual growing of food or in my case more around plans for my business and family, I love this time of year to rest, recuperate, relax and have that space to plan, reflect and regroup.

I also love that falling a few days before Christmas this festival and space doesn't get tangled up in the consumerism of presents and over-indulgence. Instead, people celebrate using candles, setting intentions for the coming year and mulled beverages. Simply lighting a candle or sitting around a fire can honour the light and dark in all of us.

For me, it is a reminder that although there is light and dark; day and night; good and bad; male and female and so many other dualities, actually all of these things live on a spectrum. It isn't as clear cut as night and day as there is dusk and dawn; what is good to one person can be bad for another and vice versa. These things are not definitive.

So today is a day to honour transitions and growth with compassion and understanding. The Winter Solstice is a time to take it slow and enjoy the fact that nights are going to gradually get lighter from today. And it is a great time to look inward to our plans for the coming year with excitement and wisdom. And realise that things are always changing and growing.

What do shamanic healing and jigsaws have in common?

A strange title I know but this thought was gifted to me as I was doing a power gathering exercise that involved the candle in this video (with the jigsaw behind) on YouTube https://youtu.be/woXW_Nvm2KU

It is not always easy to explain to people how attending a shamanic healing session can affect them or how they might feel after the session, with the power they take into their lives. All healing sessions are different as all people are different but also for one person all soul retrievals or power retrievals are different. So let me give you a bit of a backstory about my own experiences with shamanic healing and soul retrievals. 

When I had my first soul retrieval I was surprised what soul part was bought back to me. To be honest I was slightly disappointed. I had an idea of what was most important to me to get back from my childhood and that is not what I received. However, as I continued my shamanic learning and received more soul parts back as part of my training, I looked back at that first session. I realised, with hindsight, why I had received that different part of myself back first. I needed that foundation to accept parts that were returned later including the part I initially thought I had lost. 

So whilst I was doing a power ceremony with the candle in the video I was given an analogy of shamanic healing being like doing a jigsaw!! So let me try and explain:

Imagine that you are a jigsaw puzzle but that pieces go missing through life's events and experiences. Sometimes so many pieces disappear that it is difficult to work out what the picture is anymore or how all the pieces could possibly fit together. Pieces go missing through life experiences like illness, difficult relationships, shock and trauma, moving house, changing jobs, mid-life worries, bullying at school, etc. Simply put anything that makes you feel less like yourself, unbalanced, etc can be power or soul loss (according to a shamanic practitioner.)

So with regards to the jigsaw, shamanic healing can bring those lost bits of your jigsaw back. Sometimes a session can result in a whole section of your jigsaw re-appearing such as important objects - faces, buildings, etc. Or a whole edge can be retrieved bringing with it very obvious benefits to the overall picture formation. Sometimes, however, after a shamanic session it can feel like only a few connecting pieces have been added to the jigsaw and it might not seem like a lot has changed. 

Although those 'filler' pieces seem less important they are still a vital part of the overall jigsaw. Without those in-between pieces, the picture can look distorted or just a bit weird (like this one.) They might seem unimportant but they connect the more obvious parts of the jigsaw giving the puzzle balance and more of an impact.

You might feel less impressed when you find those sky pieces between Dumbledore and Hogwarts but it is still important even if it is less exciting than finishing Hagrid's face!

So if you ever go for a shamanic healing session and, like me, feel a bit disappointed with the outcome, remember that maybe you need those less obvious bits of your power or soul returned before you are ready to receive more significant parts.

If you want to know more about my work or to book a session, book a free discovery call with me and let's get you sorted.

Comedy, legacy and memories

Photo by Monica Silvestre from Pexels

Grief affects everyone in different ways. It definitely seems that way to me with how my 3 brothers are processing my Dad's death and what I am doing about my feelings. 

If you have read previous posts of mine you will have seen some of the things that have helped me process his dying, death and his not being physically on this planet anymore. 

On 17th June I did my Thursday evening 'live' on FB and YouTube and talked about a fair number of things.

Here are some thoughts and links to some of the things I mentioned during that 'live' that have stuck in my mind for whatever reason since my Dad's terminal diagnosis in November 2019. 

Watching Daniel Sloss's comedy show Dark the weekend that my middle brother's family visited to see my Dad for one last time before he died. In this show he talks about death and offence so here is the link to the blog post I wrote about NOT taking offence 8 years ago To be or not to be offended... He has done other shows since that one but Dark and Jigsaw are on Netflix here. All his shows are worth watching as he has a great commentary on life - google him and see if you like him. If you don't watch his shows anyway and if you do, watch his shows (his latest is on HBO.)

I also talked about James Acaster 'cold lasagne hate myself 1999' - you can buy that here. As a family, we watched this recently which made me realise that I need to make the most of my small family unit being together as my son gets ready to go to University. My son leaving is just one of those life events that can bring up feelings like grief and loss from previous life events. This is something I have realised over the years especially if those emotions around loss are not acknowledged, accepted, processed, etc.

Being home educated my children spent a reasonable amount of time with my parents as we were free to visit Burton Agnes, Ilkley, Bridlington, or wherever they happened to be living, whenever we wanted. Even when my parents moved to York we were round there for tea, film watching, etc on a regular basis. My Dad is the first grandparent my children have lost. My Dad was around for Zack's 18th birthday; celebrated his GCSE results but he won't be here for his level 3 results or see him go to University. He wasn't here to celebrate Indie's 16th or see the Art and Design project they have just completed. I'm writing this here as a reminder of how quickly things change.I never thought my Dad wouldn't be here to see Indie turn 18. I am so glad that I have those memories of times walking along the front at Bridlington or lunches at Buffers near Bolton Abbey. Here is a reminder to everyone to create memories with friends and family and hold those memories dear for when times might be tougher or those people have moved on in whatever way.

I mentioned Bo Burnham in my 'live' too and this was my daughter's finding and so it was perfect timing that his 'Inside' Netflix special landed a few weeks ago. Grieving for my Dad during lockdown and restrictions was not easy. Obviously, I have no way of knowing whether it would have been 'better' with no COVID but it was tricky to not be able to visit places that we had been to lay that 'first visit without Dad' to rest; I have only visited the graveside once because it involves a significant drive and there was no family gathering last year and won't be this year where we can reminisce or maybe go to Bolton Abbey for the first time without Dad. 

Why I am writing this here is because the Bo Burnham special was such a fantastic reflection of those up and down emotions around life purpose, lockdown, separation from the 'norm' and loss in such a poignant and brutally honest way. It reminded me that I am human with all the wonderful, f**ked-up, fantastic and sometimes crippling emotional lows that go with that.

Weirdly enough I don't think any of these comedy shows would have been appreciated by my Dad. He loved a good comedy but these younger comedians would not have been his 'cup of tea.' However, they have helped me and my children navigate some emotional ups and downs since Dad's diagnosis and death.

If comedy isn't your bag though I would search for that experience or connection that mirrors to you that those of feelings of loss, grief, sadness, etc. are ok, part of life, to be experienced and felt, and even wallowed in. I wrote poetry, composed songs, did rituals and crazy ritualistic fundraiser activities. I used essential oils to support my grieving, did some learning around ancestry and journaled on what my dead ancestors would want for me for my life. I got angry at Dad for dying, celebrated that he was gone (as he would have hated lockdown), reminisced with my children about what he was like and agreed with my Mum that he really was a person "who was difficult to ignore." I hope I will continue to do these things with him in the background until the day I die. 

I'm here to help

If you want to have a chat with me about anything I have written or about any of my healing sessions whether it be about ancestral stuff, a lost loved one or anything else please book a free call. I'm always here to help if I can and if that resonates with you. 

If you are wanting any help with grieving over a lost loved one then there are also essential oils that are fantastic in helping with the process so a chat about that is also something I am more than happy to have with you. My free eBook and extra stuff are also available on my member site here. 

There is also a video I have done about essential oils and grieving here as well as two videos about using oils with emotions here and here

Poem about being essentially me

Compassion not division

Treacherous waters, rapids and stones unseen
The undercurrent, twisting and mean
Can I navigate these with no training
I feel out of my depth, afloat on uncharted waters
Should I stand and be counted, scrutinised at close quarters
This shit is so draining, explaining
I've done this forever, seen differently, acted outlier
Been a non-complier
But this isn't a thing, but it is
It doesn't make me different, but it does
I'm just me, I've always been me
I was never in a closet
I don't need to step out
But these words, these describers, these descriptors
Are holding me captive
Like a snake around my throat,
Do I really need to speak out?
Jump on a bandwagon that shouldn't even be there
Say who I am, declare
These words have trapped me, collapsed me
As I navigate an ever-changing vocabulary Undercurrents, treacherous waters
Too many shoulds, shouldn'ts, oughtas
And I'm left adrift
As a sense a shift
In me, that wasn't there before
That I just want to ignore, because
I abhor
That it has to stated - the need to show compassion and kindness
Which should just be a right for all, not a divider
Purely due to your gender, race, orientation or any other qualifier

Legacy is a circular thing & a wonderful acronym for life

During my core shamanic practitioner training I learnt to 'psychopomp' people. Psychopomp is derived from a Greek word that literally means 'guide of souls.' The shamanic ritual of psychompomping is therefore making sure that the soul of a deceased person gets to the shamanic land of the dead. 

This new way of viewing death and just the act of openly talking about death gave me a different view on where I am going when I die and how that fits in the amazing circle of life. Subsequent talks about:

1. ancestors and those that come before and after my time on this earth in this body
2. time and how in the spirit world it is not linear as it is on earth
3. reincarnation and choosing to live on earth again as a different lifeform 

were just some of the things that got me thinking about my legacy but only really as a vague thought in my mind rattling around but not really taking up space enough for me to really formulate any ideas.

Nothing brings these ideas into focus more than the death of a significant person and so my Dad's death in January 2020 re-engaged my thoughts around legacy and what it means to me. I wrote about my Dad's legacy in a previous blog post here. My Dad wanted to finish writing his latest book once he knew he was dying and it is such a gift to have all his published books to look at as something that has lasted beyond his time on this earth.

What does legacy mean to me?

The word legacy is derived from the Latin legatus meaning 'ambassador.' The meaning has changed over time and is now more linked to what is left after your death especially in a will but I am taking the word back to its legatus meaning.

After my Dad died and with lockdown starting soon after his death I was given the chance to do some personal healing work by attending an ancestral healing shamanic course. I was able to heal some of my ancestors from all four of my grandparent's lines and bring them into my shamanic work as ancestral healing guides. It made so much sense that healing those who have gone before and making sure that they were safely in the land of the dead would have such an important impact on all those ancestors who have come after those relatives.

This is when it really hit me that being an ambassador is not only leaving the planet a better place for those who come after me (whether my direct offspring, those whose lives I have touched or even anyone who is here after me) but also that I need to be the best I can be for those who have come before me. So many amazing people are in my family tree - so many experiences, so many obstacles overcome; so much learning and growth; so many amazing gifts and sacrifices and that doesn't even include the miracle of my existence on this planet.

You are a miracle

The proof is in this article here. The likelihood that you were born to the ancestors you have is truly a miracle: an event so unlikely as to be almost impossible.

So my challenge to you (and to myself) is to truly act like the miracle you. As one of my favourite artists Nik Kershaw sings in You Don't Have to Be The Sun - "you don't have to be the sun to shine on me, just the miracle you are!"

As a helping hand and because I love a great acronym feel free to use the following to help you be your truly awesome, miraculous being.

L = Love. Love yourself. Love everything you do. Love your life. Bring love to others you connect with

E = Everything. Do everything you do at 100% but that includes resting, failing, learning, loving and being with your friends (give them 100% of your attention!)

G = Gratitude. Find whatever you can to be grateful for. This isn't always easy but even if you can think of is that you are still breathing, thinking and feeling that is enough.

A = Authenticity. Be totally you! We have established you are a miracle so be miraculously you. Share your uniqueness with the world in whatever joyous ways you can. 

C = Creative. Find a place beyond your comfort zone and be creative with sharing yourself with the world via your friends, family or whoever you resonate with. Find the thing that makes you feel amazing about yourself.

Y = You. Remember you are the sum of your ancestors who came before you and will come after you. Take those gifts from them and thank them daily. Share those gifts with anyone/everyone. You leave your legacy with every person you interact with so make it a great interaction. 

If you want to hear more go and watch my FB 'live' about from New Year's Eve 2020. 

If you want to have a chat with me about any of my healing sessions whether it be about ancestral stuff, a lost loved one or anything else please book a free call. I'm always here to help if I can and if that resonates with you. [click button below]

If you are wanting any help with grieving over a lost loved one then there are also essential oils that are fantastic in helping with the process so a chat about that is also something I am more than happy to have with you. My free eBook and extra stuff are also available on my member site here. 

There is also a video I have done about essential oils and grieving here as well as two videos about using oils with emotions here and here.

I'm here to help

To be or not to be a woman, a man, non-binary, gender-fluid...

What do you do when it is International Women's Day and you don't necessarily identify as a woman?

As a child I was often mistaken for a boy even being accosted outside of female toilets and told I had been in the wrong one.

I was the first and only girl in a Church choir for over 3 years from the age of 6. I sang, as a boy, in Chester Cathedral Choir with no-one ever suspecting. I sang as a Shepherd Boy in my Junior School Nativity play as all the female parts were given to the girls but they forgot about me!

I spoke about some of these observations and more in my FB 'live' on 11th March having not written anything for International Women's day. You can watch it on YouTube here.

I find talking about gender / sex interesting especially now with teenage kids who have friends who are transgendered, gender fluid, non-binary, have chosen their pronouns, etc. In some ways my children and their peers see the world quite differently from the one I grew up in. However, there are many similarities with how I used to feel as a kid. I feel that growing up I never really identified with being a girl or woman. I just accepted it as something that was but didn't define me. Growing up with 3 older brothers and being mistaken for a boy so often I wonder, was I giving off a vibe of being non-woman or do I feel that way because of how I was treated as a child? 

What I have come to realise for me though is that it doesn't matter. I am Viv. If I really wanted to choose my pronouns I would ask that I be called Viv and not referred to as she or he or they. However, I am not going to ask that of people because deep in my soul I am me and what I am referred to by others will never stop that from being true. I totally understand how empowering making those choices can be and so applaud anyone who has thought about it and asked to be identified as what they need to feel empowered as themselves.

I didn't really go into this in my 'live' but thought it was an interesting observation that I have had over the years and seems to come to the fore when any sort of women's events occur or when there are obvious woman / man things happening around that trigger these thoughts in me. Hence my 'live'! 

What does being a woman even mean? What is it to 'be' a woman? Because my sex is female does that mean that what I do as that is what should be included in the arena of what all women do? Is there a level of woman-type activities that I have to do to qualify as a woman? I don't really know what any of this means as I can only tell you how I feel as someone who lives in a female body. I have questioned these things for as long as I can remember and I have no answer because I cannot live in your head or all the heads of people who are or aren't female or those who identify as womxn. And you can't live in my head either-even if I could decide what my gender is or whether I even need one.

What I do know is I am Viv. I have 2 amazing children and a fantastic husband. You can add any number of labels to me because of those facts but they will not help you get to know me.

I am Viv. I'm pleased to meet you.

Why is my business called Essentially Shamanic?

When I re-launched my business on the Autumnal Equinox in 2019 (23rd September - which also happens to be my Wedding Anniversary!) I wanted a name that captured the essence of what I did. 

I had been vaguely using the name Essentially Shamanic but the re-launch gave me the chance to re-evaluate. I obviously stuck with it.

I believed that it did capture not only who I was but also what I did. Even though using the word 'shamanic' can cause confusion for those who aren't aware of shamanism as a spiritual practice or what I do, I still felt that using it would elicit curiosity, could at least lead to an interesting conversation or could lead someone down an interesting Google rabbit hole of discovery.

Learning about, experiencing the healing power of, and ultimately training as a Core Shamanic Practitioner got me to a place where I was able to comfortably accept myself. It gave me back my essential essence and I then felt able to offer that powerful healing opportunity to someone else.

So why Essentially Shamanic?

'Essentially' because: 

1. I want everyone to be essentially themselves
2. I use essential oils to enhance the spiritual healing experience of my work
3. I believe that I am essentially a spiritual being
4. Shamanic healing brought me back to the essence of who I am

'Shamanic' because

1. I am a Core Shamanic Practioner
2. I use core shamanic healing techniques with my clients
3. I am guided by my shamanic power animals and shamanic guides
4. I use dreamwork in my business which is another way in which shamans believe the soul travels to the spirit world

If you'd like to find out more about how I can help be essentially you please book a free call

Why autonomy is so important - creativity & diversity

Until I autonomously educated my children I didn't really know what autonomy meant to be fair. When I joined the thousands of people home educating when my DS turned 5 and didn't go to primary school, it became apparent that we were going to be a radical unschooling family, who autonomously educated or unschooled our children. 

Our children lived autonomously - deciding what they wanted to do, eat, when they wanted to sleep, what passions they wanted to pursue, etc. - all within the boundaries of our family unit: they self-governed as the Greek roots of 'auto' (self) and 'nomos' (law) stated.

I never thought that the idea of autonomy would become such an important value or ideal within my business. But it is because I want EVERYONE to be their best, intentional, amazing, unique selves. I want people to regain their power: be their own Emperor, Hero, Boss, Sovereign - as stated in some of the 'tag' lines I am now using in my business.

These 'tag' lines that are in the diagram above I believe come from my neurodiverse, dyslexic mind which I mentioned in my FB 'live' on 4/3/21 - (an exciting date by all accounts for a mathematical geek like me!) You can watch that on FB here or on YouTube here. To help my short-term memory issue I often help myself using alliteration, wordplay, acronyms and symmetry to help me.

These are some of my quirks along with my fascination with symmetry, palindromes, as well as my linking of interests in elemental work, the chakras, the directions (above) and puzzles. I also enjoy poetry, lyrics, harmonizing music and none of these things I do particularly well but that isn't the point.  

These are all important aspects of me and things that I often bring into my spiritual, healing work. By acknowledging and honouring these things in me and trusting that it is important for me to be truly me I feel that that allows me to honour you and those parts of you that are truly part of you when I do any healing work.

Owning your individuality or even our idiosyncrasies isn't always an easy thing to do, I don't think. But I think it is important. As Ken Robinson mentioned in his TED talk Schools Kill Creativity (or it might have been one of his other talks), creativity is one of humanity's natural resources and that as a species we are destroying it via our school system. 

Creativity is the way we all see the same thing but view it differently

Creativity is the way we can hear the same thing but experience it differently

Creativity is feelings arranged with words, sounds, colours, but different people who all experience things differently

Creativity is all our brains firing different neurons in different ways based on our experiences, our culture, our upbringing, our unique take on the world. 

Creativity is autonomy expressed. It is sovereignty expressed. It is diversity expressed. And vice versa!

We have to take back this autonomy/creativity and rediscover these self-governing rights that we have over our bodies, emotions, thoughts and higher power. 

I spent many years via my shamanic training and afterwards, retrieving power that I had lost at school, during my childhood, in unhealthy relationships, etc. That helped me realise my unique place in the world and that my neurodiverse, quirky, non-binary, geeky way of looking at the world was not only ok but was important, valuable and that I had a right to express myself authentically.

Don't get me wrong, I still have more power to reclaim and more things to learn. I also accept that not everyone wants to engage with my quirks. That's ok. You might not totally get what I am trying to explain here. That's ok. 

What isn't ok is people feeling that they can't take up their space in the world or that they have to hide who they are or they don't have anything to contribute.

Take back your sovereignty over your soul. Be the emperor of your emotions. Be the hero of your health and be the boss of your body. And feel free to do all those things your own way.

How to never feel imposter syndrome (or never again)

Imposter syndrome is the belief that you aren't as competent as others perceive you to be despite external evidence to the contrary. It also includes the fear of being found out as a fraud. But it seems that actually, pretty much everyone feels like that regardless of whether we are talented, experienced, a newbie or a seasoned veteran. Either that or they hide it well OR maybe there are actually people out there who don't care and get on with what they are doing regardless.

To be honest, I don't mind if you are actually an imposter in some ways - so what if you are pretending that you know more than they do, so what if you are winging it or slightly faking it to get ahead. I don't mean actual fraud or deception tor fraudulent gain or conning people. I mean slightly bending the truth ("I passed my Maths GCSE!") to get ahead in something you love so that you can learn on the job or get that step up that you need to prove or improve yourself.

Good for you for having a go. If the vast majority of people are feeling like they are imposters then we can all join the party and be in it together and if there are people who are faking it because they love what they do good for them. I'd rather be an imposter in something I love doing than a veteran in someone I hate doing, as long as I am not hurting anyone. 

So what if you know less than the next person? How do we even measure this?

So what if there are people out there who know more than you? They aren't you and the way they implement their knowledge may be very different to you!

So what if you have less experience, so what if you are a newbie? Everyone has to start somewhere before they can become competent.

Here's the 'live' I did on Facebook about this subject - https://youtu.be/BPiT4Dz9jfY. I start most of my 'lives' on Facebook with "hello beautiful people" and I finish most of my lives with something along the lines of "remember you are an amazing, unique person and there is no-one else like you." because both of those statements are true. I am not talking about external beauty although I believe that everyone is externally beautiful! I am talking about the amazing, beautiful, unique people we all are. There is no-one else with your brain, your talents, your skills, your thoughts, etc in the way that they are arranged in you. 

So really you are an expert and uniquely qualified for at least one very important task. 

Being you

So let's forget about imposter syndrome, let's forget about competency, let's forget about what others think about you. 

If you are doing something that brings your joy and adds value to one other person's life even indirectly, brilliant. What others think about that is irrelevant and what you think about what other's think about you is also irrelevant and is also frankly a waste of time because they are too busy worrying about whether you have noticed that they are imposters or they haven't even noticed you at all.

Be you, be unashamedly you, be successfully you, be effectively you and by default you will be competently you and as Yoda would say "you an imposter cannot be!"

PS. If you would like some help accessing or exploring your personal power or are inquisitive about how you let allow outside factors influence your wellbeing arrange a call with me where I can tell you how I could help as a core shamanic practitioner. Book a call with me.

If you are into essential oils spearmint and bergamot are just two oils that can help you find your true voice, confidence and allow you to embrace your fabulous awesomeness. Arrange a call if you would like further information (use the button above.)

PPS. I have added my logo to this post because it was designed from a doodle I did after a shamanic journey I went on about my business. If you look at the way that it has been drawn it spells B ME with a backward B. This is the basis of my Essentially Shamanic business. I want everyone (including myself) to be truly themselves. 

A different blog post - lockdown time warp lessons

At the beginning of the lockdown, I had grand plans. I was going to get all those courses I signed up for over the years done, get back to writing regularly, blog every week and be more present on social media. 

Having had a minor car accident in December 2019 I had taken a break from face-to-face shamanic healing sessions due to a knee injury. I was in the process of moving my business online and I was furloughed from my part-time job so I had more time on my hands. So that was the plan and then reality hit! 

I was still grieving for my Dad following his death in January 2020 and as I wrote in a previous blog post it was tough grieving whilst in lockdown. Although I have many useful ways to support my emotions via my essential oils and shamanism, I still noticed that I felt more stuck than usual - like my grieving was on lockdown as well. 

For me, time changed over lockdown. I have a very frenetic lifestyle with not much structure. Taking my son to college; my daughter being out on Fridays; attending networking events and my part-time job were the only really static things in my life. I fitted my self-employed work, hobbies and time out with friends around those events but when they were gone, my days merged into each other.

But I still had that extra time and I wanted to make the most of it and so I planned. I felt that the more I tried to be rigid with my time, the more I was not getting anywhere and not even getting things that I used to get done, done. What was going on?

So I tried even harder and I started to succumb to that little voice telling me I wasn't good enough. Social media told me everyone else was doing ok? Why was I finding it so tough? 

So I ripped up my plans and I stopped. I felt very apathetic but I did some shamanic work with a friend, got my emotional oils strategically placed around the house so I could grab them wherever I was and I decided to just go with the flow. 

 

I rediscovered my joy for doing silly things like changing the lyrics of a song for my fundraising challenge and writing for the joy of it rather than for a blog post. I stopped expecting more of myself just because I had more time. Instead, I gave myself permission to just be in that extra time. I came to realise that lockdown was not a time to expect more of myself but to fully realise that I am ok as I am. 

I feel that time has changed over lockdown. In some ways, it slowed down but in other ways, it speeded up and as I write this I can't believe that it is nearly August. My Dad died over 6 months ago but it seems only a few weeks ago. So I am going to continue to be aware of that time distortion as I continue venturing out. But I am also going to remember to take care of myself, slow down and take a breath when I need to and to fully embrace that everything is as it should be because of who I am not because of what I have (or haven't) achieved over the last 4 months. 

I know that going back to work, getting out and about more is going to feel equally surreal and weird so I am taking this realisation of what I need into those future times with me. 

So this was not the blog post I was going to write. I was going to write one that would help the re-launch of my business in September. But this is the blog post that called to me and so here I am going with the flow and writing what I feel needs to be written for me and anyone else it touches.

And following on from my post about grieving being tough in lockdown, I know that I am finding it easier to grieve now that I can do some of those honouring things I spoke about. I attended York Minster's Eucharist service last Sunday with my Mum and gave myself the space to cry whilst lighting a candle for my Dad. I also attended a wonderful Talking About Loss event last Saturday which also gave me the space to cry about my Dad in a safe space and away from my immediate family. 

I'm going to celebrate these moments as well as the fact that I did indeed get one course finished. I managed to honour my Dad and my Black ancestors with my crazy fundraising challenge and sharing my love of oils with people over the internet rather than face to face. I got to enjoy my garden more and spend time more time outside and walking with my family. I have decluttered stuff that doesn't serve me anymore and some of those courses on my list are never going to get finished because I don't feel the need to do them anymore.

I challenge you to write down all the things you have achieved, however 'small', unplanned or weird. 

• What new joys have you discovered? 
• What old joys have you rediscovered?
• What have you let go off that doesn't seem to fit your life anymore? 
• What are you not going to go back to after lockdown?

Now take the time to celebrate those things

If you want to know more about using oils whilst grieving here is a video I did for Dying Matters - Dying Awareness week - May 2020

                 

My crazy fundraising idea

I am going to be doing a sponsored walk with a

difference:

1. to raise money for Black Lives Matter

2. to raise money for my son Zack’s 2021 Summer trip to Kenya with Camps International

3. in honour of my Dad who died January 25th 2020

4. in honour of my ancestors

During lock down, my hubby bought a swimming pool for the garden. Whilst using the pool for hydrotherapy for a minor knee injury, I suddenly thought it would be a unique way to raise money. 

So here's the crazy idea - on the 25th June, I am going to jog 25 lengths of the 4-metre pool.

On the 26th June, I am going to jog an extra 8 lengths and will continue to add a further 8 lengths every day until the 25th July. This is perfect because on the 24th July I will break the 1km mark on what would have been my Mum and Dad’s Emerald (55th) wedding anniversary.

On the 25th of July, 6 months to the day after my Dad died, I will run / jog / walk 1060 metres and over the whole event, I will have jogged 17,688 metres, in memory of my Dad and his ancestors.

Here’s the back story as to why Black Lives Matter and Zack’s Camp International trip.

This is a picture of my Dad's (and my) ancestors.

My Great-Great-Grandfather, John Vieria is on the left with his mother in the middle. 

 It is believed that she was the first one of her family not born into slavery. However, not much else is known about them and this is only one of 2 pictures that survive of John. 

  

My Dad only heard about his Grandfather very occasionally from his Grandmother because my Nanna (Dad’s Mother) and her 12 siblings didn’t talk about their black father. They didn’t want to be ‘tarred with the same brush’ and face racial abuse. 

One of the reasons Zack was drawn to doing the Camp International trip to Kenya was because he felt the draw to Africa where these black ancestors came from. He is also going in honour of my Dad which you can read about in this York Press article.

I am also taking this opportunity to read ‘Me and White Supremacy’ by Layla F Saad, which contains 28 exercises designed to be done daily. If anyone would like to join me that would be amazing so that we can all become ‘good ancestors’ together (Layla's reason for making the 'challenge' and turning it into a book.)  

All there is to do now is:

1. hope the weather is good as the pool is often only 14 degrees when it's cold and running in water takes longer than you think
2. Raise money for free here when shopping online at Amazon, Ebay, Currys, etc. There is also an app to you can fundraise for free from your phone! https://www.easyfundraising.org.uk/causes/zackchamberlinkidd/
3. Go sponsor Zack at  https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/zack-kenya-2021 
4. Go sponsor Black Lives Matter at https://www.gofundme.com/f/ukblm-fund
5. Let me know if you donate here and I will add you to a prize draw for essential oils  
6. Keep an eye on my FB page here for videos of me looking daft running in a 4m back garden pool

Compare and Contrast poem

I hide behind you
But I didn't ask
I decided myself
To compare and contrast

You're thinner than me
Your hair is so wavy
You have so much drive
So much more than God gave me

Inside I roar, roar and compete
Inside I reel, I scream and deplete

Scored on a scale
I compare my abilities
Against those I see
I compare my agilities

In my own secret race, sprinting with no pace - maker

To keep me in check
To not stack my deck
Against myself my only competitor
But I imagine comparison life editors

I hide behind others
But I didn't ask
I'm the one who decided
To compare and contrast

Inside I hide, I hide and compete
Inside I'm raw and incomplete

Social media drowns me
Even when I don't look
Pervasive like disease
A comparison hook

Look at her, look at him
They're so together
They've done this, they've done that
Their pictures like heaven

Inside I'm confused
Inside I compete
Inside its torture
Inside I repeat

She's thinner and fitter
They're funnier and prettier
I contrast and compare
It's not rational
It's not fair

Look at him

Look at them
Look at her
I'm so numb

My brain keeps on whirring
Spewing out such vile thoughts
"You're worthless, you're lazy. Compared to them you're worth nought"

I try to be strong
Push those thoughts to the back
Then things pop up on my feed
And the gremlins spew black

"She gets way more loves
People comment for her
You're a fraud and a fake"
I'm nauseous and raw

I hide behind her
But I didn't ask
I allowed my inner voice
To compare and contrast

This comparison-itus
Is consuming my soul
A whirlwind of broken mirrors
And of media holes

Stop
Stop, breath and mind quiet
Stop
Stop, breath, halt the riot

Breath in the power
Breath in my soul
Stop the inner critic
Stop and take hold

I'm raw and complete
My soul purely me
Look inward and soul ward
Be comparison free

I'll let you be you
For I didn't ask
I'll hold on to me
No compare nor contrast

'Reclaiming myself' - shamanic journey in poetry

I have decided to start publishing the poems/prose that I get after going on a shamanic journey. I do not edit the poems after I receive them so they are published as given. I hope this will be the start of many such pieces of work. Enjoy and feel free to get in touch if you have any questions.

I am strapped to an A-frame
My life force slowly drained
Drip by drip, over time
Until nothing remains
An empty shell, I keep breathing
I am bewildered
This is my life, child to adult
So completely hindered

Skip to now
Reclaim joy, passion, power and purpose
Take my soul back, reclaim life
And run from this circus
The shadows, comparisons
My uniqueness, circle back
Time rewind and scramble
To consolidate lack

The abyss of this loss
Forgotten and black
Rewrite the story
Through lack and back to non-black

Light to show shadows
Magic to show dreams
Sleight of hand to become whole
And begin where we seem
To be now holding course
True to the game
But remember the past
no more the A-frame

How I am coping with emotions around cancer

Great artwork in Bexley Wing to lift the spirits

My Dad has just been diagnosed with liver cancer which is still a 'scary' cancer in my book. This is compared to my husband's testicular cancer which even back in 2009 was a 'non-scary' cancer.  

To be fair I still find the word 'cancer' scary whatever type it is but statistically speaking getting cancer of the liver is not good.

Bexley Wing Oncology Department, Leeds

When my husband was diagnosed he had his testicle removed and then had regular check-ups in Leeds. His cancer had not spread so he didn't need chemo and we were very happy when he was offered a place on a trial and was only required to undergo 3 MRIs over the 6 years he was followed-up. His family has a hereditary lean towards contracting colon cancer so keeping him away from any unnecessary radiation was important.

Over those 6 years though we spent enough time at Bexley Wing that when I then drove my parents there for my Dad's appointment last week, it brought back memories and not great memories, despite my husband's successful recovery.

How I am dealing with my emotions

There are many differences between the father of your young children having cancer and your Dad. Neither is easy, but I am a very different person to who I was 10 years ago. Following DH's diagnosis, both he and I attended the Hoffman Process which is a transformational process that gives you many tools to deal with life, relationships and unhelpful inherited patterns of behaviors. I feel I am a very different person to who I was, due to attending this course and having various techniques I can use when I need to, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. 

Shamanic Healing

After attending Hoffman I trained as a shamanic practitioner and had many shamanic healings and soul retrievals over the course of my 5 years of training and since, which means I feel 'more' me and am more able to deal with my emotions and handle these kinds of stressful situations. I feel more able to accept my emotions and thoughts when life takes a 'turn' that maybe I was not expecting and I can use my shamanism tools to tap into power, peace and ground myself when I feel that is needed. 

Shamanism has changed my life and I feel privileged to be able to offer others healing sessions where they too can become empowered and more connected to their authentic selves. 

Essential Oils

I discovered essential oils in 2017 and they are my favourite way of dealing life when there are strong emotions around just because they are easy to use. I carry small bottles of different oils everywhere I go and also have roller-balls made up with different potions that I wear like perfume. There are emotional blends that are my go-to favourites in times of stress or upset but to honest any great smelling essential oil will lift the spirits. Smell has a direct access to the limbic (emotional) seat of the brain so there are always positives to breathing in essential oils.

WhatsApp - SOS

I also love the WhatApps broadcast ability. This means I can send a message out to my friends just telling them how things are for me. Even if I am just having a wobbly and don't know why I can send a little message letting them know. This group of friends, who I class as being in in my (SOS) Circle of Support group, know that when I feel down, I send out an SOS and they can respond with an emoji or just a thumbs up. I always get something back from at least one of them but the important thing is that I know I am in their thoughts and I know they have my back. 

Contact me

If you want to know more about anything I have talked about here please get in touch with me:

Facebook

Website contact form  

February & March 2017 Monthly Moments

Obviously I am stunningly biased against schooling (in the favour of home educating) for this very reason but this is always great to see it being said again in slightly different words by someone new. In the age of robots, schools are teaching our children to be redundant by George Monbiot.

And here's another one The Secret of Happy Children - Get rid of teachers and ban homework. Again interesting ideas about why schooling is making children tired and things could be improved for everyone pretty easily.

Similar things have been said by Ken Robinson (some of them over TEN years ago) in his fabulous TED talks - Do schools kill creativity?, Bring on the Learning Revolution and my personal favourite RSA Animate video Changing education paradigms which everyone should watch for the fantastic animation alone!!



Interesting article about raising "good" kids which once you get over the "good" in the title is really worth reading.

And now onto something completely different for those crafty people out there:

I am trying to knit my first pair of socks with proper sock yarn at present and this wonderful page has demystified all the weird 'turn heel', 'heel flap', etc. stuff which is great. Then I am using this pattern and there is a whole tutorial which goes with it which is also fantastic!! I love the internet!!

Also here is a great reminder about how social media is taking over with a great Lion King parody by Dustin and Genevieve.




Recently I have found myself getting fed up with Facebook as there seems to be a lot of advertising courses but also because I can not keep up with the number of people posting. There is also the studies now that are showing that social media is now increasing loneliness and envy and reading the article in The Telegraph resonated with me. One of my resolutions for this year was to try and see the people I love face to face and really connect. I know that isn't easy to do but so far it is going quite well and I am enjoying the more intimate connection I get from that.

Monthly Moments resurrected

I loved doing my monthly moments blog posts back in 2013 and so to try and get me at least writing 12 blog posts a year I am going to try and resurrect them this year.

Where are all the female superheroes? Great TED talk. Let's bring up females who are powerful, brave and own our power.




Geoff Lawton free permaculture resources

Really interesting article about a woman wearing men's clothes for a month

Crochet boots using flipflops

How to activate your diaphragm for correct breathing with a great video showing how to breathe correctly.

A great way of explaining the autism spectrum in comic format.

Fab advert by Denmark about not putting people in boxes. Well worth a watch

Minimalist months

I failed to keep up to date with my Minimalist posts on my blog but I have been doing them religiously over the last year. Ryan, the Communications Coordinator at the Permaculture Association, added a lovely post about my idea on the Permaculture Blog here reminded me that I hadn't written about it over the last year so here is a recap!!

March saw a whole load of grown-out-of toys find their way to new homes which is always fun. Dh and I have been trying to get all the games in one place in the dining/sitting room area of the house where we only have a certain number of shelves to dedicate to games so we got ruthless even with some games like the one to the right as well as bigger ones we don't use.

Educational toys also got the heave-ho. We would rather someone else use these things than hold onto them. Other things that were bought and only used once or twice also went to new homes as did knitting sets which I had to admit I was never going to get around to doing!!

I got a lovely message from the man who picked up the chess set that his wife loved knitting it all - very satisfying. Then there was all the stuff that we are just never going to use that went to a charity shop. All-in-all a good minimalist month.

That was April/May time last year. Then November happened with some of the stuff shown above new homes as well as a lot of other stuff. Again things that we are never going to use.

What you then realise is that this thing becomes slightly addictive and so now we always have a charity bag on the go and both my dh and I are always looking for ways to reduce our belongings. Even dd has got in on the act and is always looking for ways to cut down on her stuff.

So in preparation for February's minimalist month we have already got rid of a PlayStation 2 and all games, Nintendo DS XL and all games, inline skates, Life of Fred books, I am going through all my CDs at present, I have thrown out at least 100 pens which we didn't need work or we didn't need, etc. We are in a minimalist cycle and although we may never make it to actually living a minimalist life, I would highly recommend this game to everyone. It is fun for all the family.