The Waves of Grief poem

The Waves of Grief

It doesn’t matter how strong

When the waves come they batter

It doesn’t matter how sad

Those waves crash over, no matter

How prepared

#How surrounded by those you love

Nothing can stop the push of water

The pull of the undertow

Trending water

Going under

Come back up

Put on a brave face for shoe

But the pressure of the sorrow

Actual hurts in my chest

The pressure of tomorrow

I feel under duress

To keep going

Despite the siren call to

Stop floating

And just let go

To know

I will not see you again

Is just too real, too surreal

The waves come crashing

Choking

Taking my breath away

And I say

“I miss you Dad”

And I keep swimming

Heavy legs and struggling arms

All twisted and uncoordinated

My world turned upside down

Disjointed, discombobulated

Debris

Life jacket

Comes past out of nowhere

I just grab for whatever

I don’t care

I’ll take a hand, a laugh, a smile

And hold it like I’ve been given gold

A moment of happiness

Or gratitude

Wherever I can find it

Like a pearl in an oyster

Or a piece of driftwood to hold

When dragged under or over by the waves of grief

Battered and broken

Drowning alone

Those precious moments of human empathy

Can remind me of home

I am Dadless, I am sadness

This is who I am now

But there is happiness

And memories to hold on to too

I am sadness, Happiness

Laughter and loss

Darkness and light

Solid and ghost

I am strong

I am weak

I am a human who’s grieving

I am silence

I am song

I am grateful to be breathing

The poem was written by Viv Chamberlin-Kidd 

17 days after her Dad’s death on 25/01/20

Here is a video of my saying the poem on a FB ‘live’ on 10th April 2020 can be viewed here on YouTube https://youtu.be/5tKJC72lOk4

Primal scream / Primal slayer - shamanic journey in poetry

I have a shamanic spirit teacher that looks to me like the first slayer, Sineya from Buffy the Vampire Slayer so that is where the slayer reference comes from.

You face me, my mirror and soul

I am broken and tired, you are strong and whole
You say "Let go, let it all out"
I hold it in but want to shout
You continue "Let go, it's been too long. 

You're an adult now, the child has gone." 

I open my mouth, the tears they well
I let out the rage, I scream and yell
It goes on and on, a timeless bubble
Snot, spit, tears, rage uncontrollable

Then the magic begins
I watch it unfold
My memories spun
Webs of stories untold

My snot is mycelium
Running forever unseen
Unground networks of food
And hallucinogenic dreams

The spit from my roars
Falls to the ground
Springs up into grasses 

Trees and plants, all around

My rage fills the air
Heated, pure power
The atmosphere forms
An impenetrable barrier

My screams punch holes
In the sky, like spears
They become stars
That shines for years and years

As I scream and rage on
My feet stomp the ground
Cracks spread out forming

Caves and tall mounds

Mountain and valley
Dale and hill
Spring up all over
Allowing rivers to spill

From my tears that fall
And flow into seas
Forming lakes en route
As clear as my dreams

When spent, I collapse
And bigs spiders scurry
Enveloped in cocooning webs
They take my old memories

Weaving them into stories 

Of power, resilience and strength
My personality and uniqueness
Forming with each thread

I watch the magic unfurl
In the haze of my dreams
The landscape morphs
Moulded from my screams

Until I am the landscape
I am everywhere
My childhood and memories
Totally laid bare

A wondrous scene
Filled with colours unfolding
One of a kind, uniqueness
In stories untold, in
Patterns, nature, magic and music

Who knew old, rage-filled memories
Could become so perfect

My slayer now shimmers
A landscape of beauty
My mirror, my soul
That landscape is me

"Visit this place,
Tap into the power
When unhelpful memories invade
Remember each flower

There is no other like you
And never will be"
My slayer turns and smiles
And that primal being is me

'Reclaiming myself' - shamanic journey in poetry

I have decided to start publishing the poems/prose that I get after going on a shamanic journey. I do not edit the poems after I receive them so they are published as given. I hope this will be the start of many such pieces of work. Enjoy and feel free to get in touch if you have any questions.

I am strapped to an A-frame
My life force slowly drained
Drip by drip, over time
Until nothing remains
An empty shell, I keep breathing
I am bewildered
This is my life, child to adult
So completely hindered

Skip to now
Reclaim joy, passion, power and purpose
Take my soul back, reclaim life
And run from this circus
The shadows, comparisons
My uniqueness, circle back
Time rewind and scramble
To consolidate lack

The abyss of this loss
Forgotten and black
Rewrite the story
Through lack and back to non-black

Light to show shadows
Magic to show dreams
Sleight of hand to become whole
And begin where we seem
To be now holding course
True to the game
But remember the past
no more the A-frame