How to never feel imposter syndrome (or never again)

Imposter syndrome is the belief that you aren't as competent as others perceive you to be despite external evidence to the contrary. It also includes the fear of being found out as a fraud. But it seems that actually, pretty much everyone feels like that regardless of whether we are talented, experienced, a newbie or a seasoned veteran. Either that or they hide it well OR maybe there are actually people out there who don't care and get on with what they are doing regardless.

To be honest, I don't mind if you are actually an imposter in some ways - so what if you are pretending that you know more than they do, so what if you are winging it or slightly faking it to get ahead. I don't mean actual fraud or deception tor fraudulent gain or conning people. I mean slightly bending the truth ("I passed my Maths GCSE!") to get ahead in something you love so that you can learn on the job or get that step up that you need to prove or improve yourself.

Good for you for having a go. If the vast majority of people are feeling like they are imposters then we can all join the party and be in it together and if there are people who are faking it because they love what they do good for them. I'd rather be an imposter in something I love doing than a veteran in someone I hate doing, as long as I am not hurting anyone. 

So what if you know less than the next person? How do we even measure this?

So what if there are people out there who know more than you? They aren't you and the way they implement their knowledge may be very different to you!

So what if you have less experience, so what if you are a newbie? Everyone has to start somewhere before they can become competent.

Here's the 'live' I did on Facebook about this subject - https://youtu.be/BPiT4Dz9jfY. I start most of my 'lives' on Facebook with "hello beautiful people" and I finish most of my lives with something along the lines of "remember you are an amazing, unique person and there is no-one else like you." because both of those statements are true. I am not talking about external beauty although I believe that everyone is externally beautiful! I am talking about the amazing, beautiful, unique people we all are. There is no-one else with your brain, your talents, your skills, your thoughts, etc in the way that they are arranged in you. 

So really you are an expert and uniquely qualified for at least one very important task. 

Being you

So let's forget about imposter syndrome, let's forget about competency, let's forget about what others think about you. 

If you are doing something that brings your joy and adds value to one other person's life even indirectly, brilliant. What others think about that is irrelevant and what you think about what other's think about you is also irrelevant and is also frankly a waste of time because they are too busy worrying about whether you have noticed that they are imposters or they haven't even noticed you at all.

Be you, be unashamedly you, be successfully you, be effectively you and by default you will be competently you and as Yoda would say "you an imposter cannot be!"

PS. If you would like some help accessing or exploring your personal power or are inquisitive about how you let allow outside factors influence your wellbeing arrange a call with me where I can tell you how I could help as a core shamanic practitioner. Book a call with me.

If you are into essential oils spearmint and bergamot are just two oils that can help you find your true voice, confidence and allow you to embrace your fabulous awesomeness. Arrange a call if you would like further information (use the button above.)

PPS. I have added my logo to this post because it was designed from a doodle I did after a shamanic journey I went on about my business. If you look at the way that it has been drawn it spells B ME with a backward B. This is the basis of my Essentially Shamanic business. I want everyone (including myself) to be truly themselves. 

After yesterday's post this is interesting

The 18 things mentally tough people do:

1. They move on - they don't waste time feeling sorry for themselves. 

2. They keep control - they don't give away their power. 

3. They embrace change - they welcome challenges.

4. They stay happy - they don't complain and they don't waste energy on things they can't control.

5. They are kind - they are fair and unafraid to speak up. They don't worry about pleasing other people.

6. They are willing to take calculated risks - they weigh the risks and benefit before taking action.

7. They invest their energy in the present - they don't dwell on the past

8. They accept full responsibility for their past behaviour - they don't make the same mistake over and over. 

9. They celebrate other people’s success - they don't resent that success.

10. They are willing to fail - they don't give up after failing and they see every failure as a chance to improve.

11. They enjoy their time alone - they don't fear being alone.

12. They are prepared to work and succeed on their own merits - they don't feel the world owes them anything.

13. They have staying power - they don't expect immediate results.

14. They evaluate their core beliefs - and modify as needed.

15. They expend their energy wisely - they don't spend time on unproductive thoughts. 

16. They think productively - they replace negative thoughts with productive thoughts.

17. They tolerate discomfort - they accept their feelings without being controlled by them.

18. They reflect on their progress - every day. They take time to consider what they've achieved and where they are going.

I like this list but can't track down where it has come from although it seems awfully similar to the list below that I found on Forbes entitled "Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid" (Cheryl Conner) just obviously written in reverse. I prefer the following list because it has more information attached.

1.    Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don’t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply, “Next!”

2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.
3.    Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear,” if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.
4. Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control. Mentally strong people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.
5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.
6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.
7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.
8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.
9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.
10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.
11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.
12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.
13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time.